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A.O. Kime Articles:

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Two Septembers
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Death and Regrets

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Elders and the torturous administration of regretfulness

(2nd edition - April 2008) by A.O. Kime
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In looking back over the years there are always those haunting regrets over what we should or shouldn’t have done. Even though they could be categorized in different ways, or by degree, nonetheless we can still recall them… almost every single one. Probably most weren’t so bad however… being just poor decisions. Anyone could have made the same mistakes.

Yet, we are likely to become more regretful about them in our later years. Evidently it must be tied to the fact older folks sense death growing ever nearer. While the worry over judgment day might be the more common reason, but in the case of one's poor financial situation, often the realization that time has run out rears its ugly head.

If it involved having hurt someone, then it is about seeking forgiveness. Or, it could be we’ve changed our ways and look at our previous self in disgust. Whatever the case might be however, it is only part of the story. The rest is the process of dealing with regrets.

Self-inflicted injuries

Upon reflection however, most regrets are probably the result of just having hurt ourselves. Financial mistakes and missed opportunities probably dominate the variety of other poor decisions. While regretful nonetheless, they aren’t spiritual wrongdoings and therefore should be set aside. After all, redemption isn’t necessary if no 'moral wrong' was committed. We might need only kick ourselves once again.

The reason these self-inflicted injuries should be set aside is because the associated guilt can become entangled with the guilt of actual wrongdoing. Successfully separated, one has less to deal with spiritually… perhaps far less. With money matters and other stupid mistakes set aside, one would also have fewer reasons to feel bad about themselves. It allows one to focus on the real transgressions.

So too, we might often feel guilty having jilted someone… even if it was long ago. Maybe we cheated on our spouse. Whether we should feel guilty about either perhaps depends. After all, if one is not held accountable for hurting the feelings of an admirer by spurning their advances then there must be some leeway. At least a little. Perhaps that type of hurting just comes with the territory… as in 'all’s fair in love and war'. By virtue of natural selection, Mother Nature seems to agree.

There is also guilt associated with having hurt someone’s feelings upon which some people may dwell. However, by any measure of justice, having hurt someone’s feelings thoughtlessly or unintentionally shouldn’t count. These instances should be set aside as well… leaving only intentional harm to deal with.

Balancing the books

Whatever the case may be, becoming regretful is good… it’s a reflection of one’s character. It is a sign of responsibility and while the process may be torturous, it is one’s attempt to reconcile… as if one is trying to ‘balance the books’.

While one might seek forgiveness through religious channels, such as confessing one’s ‘sins’ to a priest, many people look beyond the church as would a Gnostic (or pagan). One might even try confronting the injured party and admitting their transgression… although often this may not be a good idea. Besides, being forgiven somehow falls short of being enough. Self-reconciliation is the most important part.

The degree of regretfulness might also depend on who it was we injured. If it was someone who has been guilty of much the same thing then it’s hardly a problem. Nor, for example, would there be any guilt associated with insulting a habitual criminal.

Oftentimes too the injured parties’ whereabouts are unknown or perhaps too much time has passed. If it wasn’t a serious transgression, unless one apologized within days or weeks it might look foolish apologizing years later. Even if it was serious, all sorts of things come into play. It’s a judgment call.

For various reasons, it could be a case whereby one shouldn’t admit to something. It might, for example, have legal ramifications. Or it might cause more damage… such as admitting an affair to one’s spouse. To inflict pain on others to relieve oneself the burden of guilt is selfish. Still, somehow, that person must try to balance the books. That need is deeply sensed.

Guilt and the elevated conscience

Coupled to the foregoing is the way we might look at our previous self. Some things we once did as common practice might now seem disgusting… even if it didn’t at the time. It is all due to an elevated conscience which one eventually feels compelled to acquire. Of course, there are ‘levels’ of conscience and not all people listen to their inner self.

One of the first things one notices from a greater conscience is the presence of a greater awareness. One can see more, but only those things below… or, in this case, the lower levels of transgressions. In other words, since there is a relationship between the level of awareness and what is seen, realities and thus realizations change. While primarily due to the fact our original justification was faulty, we might have committed transgressions earlier we didn’t fully appreciate… sins perhaps only a monk would recognize.

For example, by just thinking about committing a sin or crime - but not actually following through - is not so innocent after all. A monk would know that. While no visible damage was done, we’ve reduced the ability of our mind to function at full capacity… otherwise lacking without a healthy spiritual perspective. In other words, by thinking negatively or sinfully we injure our spiritual forces.

The long term effect is… it inhibits our ability to balance the books. We would therefore go tormented day after day with no resolution in sight. Our spiritual forces must remain healthy in order to reconcile and the only way in which to find peace of mind.

The healthier our spiritual perspective becomes, we begin to notice more and more things for the first time, even about seemingly little wrongs such as littering for example. While littering might otherwise seem the least damaging of all bad habits, we begin to realize what littering represents. It is disregard. Without concern, it is to spoil that which took billions of years to create. It is to spit in the face of the creator.

Disregard and evil

So now, as if seen under a different light, littering takes on a whole new meaning. Seen now as disregard it becomes a more serious transgression. While disregard may not be a spoken-of sin or a religiously classified sin… it is.

It is curious, however, that disregard is rarely mentioned even though there are many sins which reside under its umbrella. Although, much like evil itself, its scope is too broad to be useful in trying to be specific. Nonetheless, from gluttony to murder, it is first about evil and secondly about disregard. Only evil has a bigger umbrella. In a sense though, evil and disregard walk hand-in-hand.

So, why do older folks sense the need to reconcile as if urgent? Well, since there is no practical (earthly) reason for reconciliation - not if one is about to die - there is only one possible explanation… it is inherently felt it will effect our chance for immortality. Psychologists would give another answer however but since their profession hasn’t yet grasped the metaphysical, then they’d be wrong.

Baptism and confessions

Most religions preach that one’s sins must be forgiven in order to be ‘saved’ - and while they’re right - their 'cure' methodology has no value. One is not cleansed through baptism or by confessing to a priest. It is not that easy and, as if sold a worthless life insurance policy, it keeps one from seeking out true redemption. Why play games with our conscience when it is the only place where the healing process can occur?

As if a means of redemption, baptism and confessing to a priest only postpones payment when instead the idea should be… it’s better to pay now (suffer the consequences). While the degree of torture is relative to the transgression, which in turn is relative to the level our conscience resides, it is also linked to our willingness (or unwillingness) to change our ways.

Finding redemption can only be a solitary pursuit however. No one can help and it will likely take months or years of dedication. Only when torment is replaced by peace-of-mind has one succeeded. While finding forgiveness within oneself is the ultimate goal - being a matter of our conscience and subconscious mind wired directly to the divine - there are hurdles. Some sins of an egregious nature may be next to impossible to overcome… being, in effect, unforgivable, but only because of the difficulty to neutralize them. While it is all relative to the mess we’ve made of our lives, still, it would seem better to pay what we can now.

Religions and redemption

Generally speaking, it is curious why religions can be right in one respect and wrong in another… especially about the same subject. This inherent need for redemption is a good example. While the need is there (which religions have recognized), it shouldn't involve anyone but oneself… specifically not a third party. Nothing of lasting value can be accomplished through a church, spouse, friend or parent.

So why do churches take it upon themselves to serve as a go-between?

In essence, it is an institutional thing to have all the answers. In this case, the churches are offering a service (baptizing, confessions) which they have no business offering. The smattering of truth which the churches possess isn’t privileged knowledge and by ordaining themselves it became interference.

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While some of what is written in the New Testament is profound, especially within the book of Matthew in certain instances, this and the scattering of truth within the Old Testament came from enlightened men… not from religions. It came from the ages mostly and assuredly predates religions by millennia. It came from divinely inspired men from every quarter… although it is evident not all was passed on. Further, much of what was passed on was repackaged to fit the needs of the institutions.

As to the unadvertised portion of truth organized religions do not include, it need not be a haunting question. As to the truth, it is still there… one need only query the Divine Intellect (divine intelligence). Thankfully it is non-denominational. While the process for making a connection is demanding, one good beginning point is by dealing with regrets.

A.O. Kime

Matrix of Mnemosyne... the place of smoke signals from the spirit world

Last modified: 03/05/16